When there is hatred toward a family member, specific instructions help to establish that fact. Hate is having extreme resentment or dissatisfaction with someone, something or an idea. This definition will lead us to discuss how to identify your hatred for a specific person, what steps you can take to address the issue and ways to avoid such situations in the near future.
What does it mean to hate someone?
According to Robert Sternberg, hatred consists of three main aspects, which are: 1. choosing to diminish the value of something that once had value 2. Showing emotions such as anger, malice or fear. 3. the decision to give up the place where you were once free to remain close and affectionate. In essence, hatred means having a very negative and hostile feeling toward someone. Hate for someone can sometimes lead you to exhibit violent behavior toward the recipient. This violent behavior usually stems from your desire to see the other person suffer or be destroyed, sometimes in extreme cases.
Hate in the context of family
Sometimes, hate refers to your perception of how someone makes you feel or makes you think after interacting with someone (in this case, your family). Although hate can come from your interactions with others, it can have a big impact on your temperament, identity and overall view of things.
Another thing to keep in mind is that hatred of family members is usually supported by reason. When you hear kids say things like "I hate mommy or daddy". No matter what their age, especially if they come from what is considered a stable and loving family. Some of their reasons may include.
Resistance to parental instructions
Rebellion usually manifests itself during the teenage years when children feel the need to push their limits. This is a developmental stage that will surely pass as prepubescence did. However, the way parents handle this stage may build or destroy the cordial relationships that once existed. Even if this perception eventually changes over time, there will be a period of friction before the children finally realize the love of their parents.
Different belief systems and habits
This problem occurs when children raised with a particular belief system change and decide to follow a different path. In turn, parents ask their children to continue on that path without respecting their views. When these children react negatively, the parents' reactions can lead to strain on their relationship with them. As long as they both sit down and discuss the issue, this difference usually does not lead to a permanent outburst.
Requires a degree of independence
Parents usually have a hard time realizing that their children have grown up. As a result, they still enforce specific rules. This struggle with parents usually leads to many complications in the parent-child relationship that can only be resolved through effective communication. It is appropriate to discuss hate in toxic families after the causes of hate have been identified in families that have some form of stability. This toxicity is not limited to extended families; it can also occur in nuclear events consisting of only parents and children When it comes to families, hate can be high or low in severity. It can also be short-lived or long-lasting. Regardless of the type, you need to dig deeper into the feeling and take it out of the equation. When you feel intense disgust and resentment simply because of the sight or sound of someone, then there are more powerful underlying factors contributing to it. Some of these causes may include.
Abandonment cases
Some people grow up knowing how their parents abandoned them at birth or when they were very young. They are left not knowing who their biological parents are. Others knew their parents, but one of them either left due to divorce or just disappeared from their lives.
Very high expectations
Some families set high expectations and standards for their members, which creates undue stress. In turn, these can leave behind adults who are not confident in themselves and who are not showing up for all their efforts. So, when they realize this and can point to a specific person who made them feel this way, they can become resentful of such a person, which can lead to hatred.
Abuse
Some people are victims of abuse. They have been treated inappropriately and unfairly while growing up. Abuse in this family environment can mean many things, such as rape, child abuse, physical or verbal assault, etc. Knowing the root cause of hating a family member, you need pointers to realize your hatred for someone.
How do you know you hate someone?
Relive the past experience
The idea of meeting with some family members may make you feel sad or depressed. You may realize that you do not always want to relive your past experiences with these people, especially in the case of sexual or any other form of abuse. This negative feeling is a solid pointer that you have a deep hatred for such a person.
A feeling of self-hatred
Sometimes, your past experiences with certain people can make you feel regret and hatred for yourself. You wish you had the power to stop some of the things that happened to you before then. Sometimes you blame yourself and you feel responsible for the way the other person made you think.
How to deal with hate and become a better person
Hate is like a poison that can seriously damage your relationships with people. It is a powerful feeling that will slowly spread to you and eventually make you lose your identity. To deal with hate, you need to take concrete steps to address this strong desire to hurt yourself and others, your family. Here are some steps you can take to help you manage the situation and become the best version of yourself.
Learn to forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself primarily helps you work through the fact that you hate yourself. Doing so may seem challenging, but a simple starting point is to acknowledge that this is a choice you are willing to make. You must carefully choose to love yourself. In this case, choosing to love yourself means that you must forgive。
Learn to forgive each other
A simple step to forgiving the other person is to acknowledge that the person has hurt you publicly. Look at yourself in the mirror and say it out loud. You cannot begin your healing process until you do so.
Accepting reality
Another step in healing is to accept that the behavior is done and cannot be changed. Accept that even if the person behaves that way, you don't have to be like him or her. It will help if you decide to become a better person by accepting that your past cannot be changed.
Know when to talk to people about it
Sometimes the only option is to decide to talk to a professional about how you feel. In contrast to when you talk to a family member, the technician will not judge the problem and he or she will give an unbiased opinion on the matter.
Effective Communication
Sometimes having a real heart-to-heart discussion usually helps build a parent-child relationship, especially if it is a non-toxic one. One effective way to handle such discussions is to realize how much you love your parents and to look back on past arguments.
How to make sure you don't continue to hate
Now that you have learned ways to get rid of past injuries, you need to know how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Some suggestions are.
Identify possible causes
When you understand the reasons that usually lead to feelings of hatred toward specific family members, you will learn how to meet and discuss with such a person.
Set privacy restrictions
Be cautious about the types of discussions you want to have with people, the types of activities you want to participate in, and if possible, forgive yourself when you are unable to resolve the situation. You have the right to keep your life confidential if you wish, even if certain discussions can be made public.
Change strategy
When you find yourself drifting away from your feelings of hate, try distracting yourself by listening to music or doing something else you enjoy.
Conclusion
It's normal to hate your family every once in a while because it's not uncommon to disagree with them. Another important thing to keep in mind is to not lose your identity through hatred. Make a conscious effort to help you by contacting a professional today. You need to find a lasting solution and you must live a good and healthy life.